Urges

And so the urges go on. I'm sat here in the pitch black - terrified to put the light on. If I put the light on, then I'll be able to see. If I can see, then I can find my sharp things, then I can cut, and cut and cut. Really bleed - that is the only relief I get at the moment. Seeing the damage I can inflict on myself. It must sound really weird to someone who has never self harmed. But to me, it's the norm. It's the only way that I can feel real emotions. Unfortunately the emotions I feel are negative, and are directed purely at myself, but it's better than nothing I suppose.

Everyone is sleeping, all I can hear is the ticking clock. Each tick says "cut, cut, cut" but my head is saying "don't" the inner battle is so difficult and I really just want to sleep. Maybe forever, but maybe to wake up in a place where I feel happy and content, and my inner demons are banished for good. That would be nice. Please let me find it someday.