Dirty Little Lies

We all tell lies, every day.  I was thinking about this and decided to make a list of all the lies I told in a day.

• I'm fine thank you
• I've had my breakfast
• You have to go to school today 
• I don't have enough petrol to run that errand
• I'm not hungry, thanks
• I will phone them tomorrow
• I got scratched by the cat, my skin is paper thin
• My back is feeling better
• That's fine, I don't mind you going out after work, and missing the children's bedtime
• I'm busy this afternoon, sorry
• I'm going out to the tumble drier
• I'm having an early night, I'm exhausted

What I actually meant was

• My world is falling apart and I'm powerless to stop it
• I have eaten chocolate when you weren't looking
• You have to go to school today, because I can't cope with you at home
• I have enough fuel, I just don't want to leave the house
• I'm ravenous, but I can't eat in front of anyone
• I will not make the phone call, I can't talk to anyone on the phone
• I slashed my arms with razor blades
• My back hurts, but I can't bore you with moaning about my pain
• I can't believe you would organise to go out over teatime, bathtime, pick up from club time.  Now I must do it all on my own
• I need to be on my own, I'm terrible company
• I'm going into the garden to smoke
• Please don't make me have sex with you

So my life is pretty much a tapestry of untruths.  That makes me feel dreadful.  My life is a big fat lie.  No one really knows what goes on in my head & I don't feel able to share it with anyone.  Pretty poor really.