Meeting

Today there was a multi agency meeting about my children.  There were 8 different people there, plus me.  It was hugely intimidating.  They were talking about my life at home, and how my youngest child is a massive challenge & the effect this is having on my other 2 children.  
My daughter is a very unhappy 9 year old, who wishes her little brother had never been born - she screamed that at me last week when he had provoked a reaction out of her.  She said that we don't pay any attention to her & her elder brother, that we only pay the smallest one attention.   It cut me to the core when she asked if she could go into foster care, as she didn't want to live in the same house as her younger brother.  I try so hard to pay each of them attention, but the youngest one is incredibly demanding & often interrupts / destroys activities.  He doesn't understand, his autistic view of the world is that he is the most important person & his demands should be met, instantly.  
My elder son, aged 12, is a very mature young chap - wise beyond his years.  He worries (in a similar way to me) about his brother, and also about me.  he is waiting for some counselling, as he becomes very angry with the world and blames himself for things that he has no control over.   I am concerned that he could head down the same awful route that I have travelled with my mental health, so I hope that the counselling will help him to overcome his feelings and help him deal with them in a controlled way.  
Did I do this to them?  Are they able to sense my negativity.  Do they believe my stories about all the injuries that befall my arms?  They aren't stupid, I'm sure that they pick up on the feelings that invade my every thought.  I don't want that for them, I want them to be happy, and to lead full and enjoyable lives.  Someone said at the meeting "happy mum = happy kids", but I can't remember what happy feels like.