Resurrection Eyes

Just back from church. A really interesting sermon about seeing the world with Resurrection Eyes, as the priest felt that the disciples were able to see beyond the crucifixion, and feel the hope for the future - and that we should try seeing the world with Resurrection Eyes. I thought about this long and hard as the service went on. I wish that I could feel that positive about things. He talked of people who forgave the murderer of their son - how they moved on and made good come from a terrible situation.

Forgiveness is a funny thing. I want forgiveness for all that I do wrong (which feels like a lot at times) but I find it terribly difficult to forgive others. I wish I could, but I really don't seem to have the capacity. I don't hate anyone, I may hate their actions or dislike their attitude, but I don't hate them. I still want approval from everyone - affirmation that I am ok, that I am "doing it right" whatever that means. People have hurt me deeply in the past, but I still want their love and approval - I just can't get my head round it all. I think that is a lot of my problem, that I am unable to move past what has been said and done.

I kind of need to move forward - to get away from this place I am stuck in. I think I would like to see the world with Resurrection Eyes - to feel the hope rising out of despair, so see a future beyond tomorrow.