- being overweight & unable to lose it
- being a crap mum
- shouting at the kids
- not being a good wife
- having been a terrible daughter
- not earning a living
- not contributing to the family
- feeling so down all the time
- hating myself
- feeling depressed, when there are other people who don't have half of what I have, who are happy with their lot
- keeping secrets
- feeding my family healthy food, but not being able to sit and eat with them
- being grumpy
- being distant
- being anti social
- self harm
- not being sure of my faith, but making my children come to church with me anyway
- not being able to accept compliments
- wasting professionals time
So there are just few of the things I feel guilty about. Don't really know what I have achieved by making a list, but now I can see them there, I do see that I have a lot of guilt.
I'm going to see the specialist trauma team at the weekend. I feel guilty about that too.
Trouble is, I don't remember a time when I didn't feel guilty. Even as a little girl I felt guilty about even being alive. I was told from as far back as I can remember that I was unplanned & had come at a very inconvenient time & made things very hard for my parents.
If someone waved a wand and magicked away my guilt, I don't think there would be anything of me left.
